I think that he was torn, he liked my dependence in him, but he also wanted me to be independent. A highly delicate balance we achieved in the good times. It was when he couldn’t be what he wanted for me, at the same time that I needed it more than ever that a wedge was driven between us. The balance was severely shifted. I believe he also had a guilty conscience, not beeing enough for me, for not beeing able to be what I needed and what he wanted to be. It overshadowed to many things and when lack of communication and time topped it we were broken. It is not just his fault, i didn’t listen enough, maybe I asked for to much, to much attention when he had none to give. What was supposed to be fun and give energy now took more than it gave back and we became a burden…

Should he have wanted to, things would have been different. But he didn’t have the strength or will to try. He would probably say I should stop overthink and just accept that he just doesn’t want to anymore. But I can’t, I need answers from within, and I will never accept that he just doesn’t care. I know he thinks of me almost every day, I know, don’t ask me how, I just do…..

I will not hold it over him forever, as I hope he can oversee my behavior and part of it. One day maybe we will meet again on different terms and with open minds…

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